'Forget Maltese Falcon, check out Maltese Fido'

Writing in the North Lake Tahoe Bonanza, McAvoy Layne in Nevada discusses the fortunes of the Maltese Falcon and a lucky Maltese dog:

Up until today I always thought the Maltese Falcon was the most prominent figurehead of Maltese wealth, the Maltese Falcon being the figurine that was once a gift from the Island of Malta to the King of Spain, as featured in Dashiell Hammett's excellent mystery novel of 1930. Hammett's Maltese Falcon, smothered in fine jewels, but bearing a layer of black enamel to conceal its value, was estimated to be worth in the millions. That particular Maltese was the cause of considerable trouble to most of the characters in Hammett's novel, and led to the demise of three of them if my memory serves me.

But Hammett's Maltese Falcon was surpassed in value and controversy last week by Helmsley's Maltese Fido, named, "Trouble," 12 million dollars worth of trouble. The trouble started with Trouble's owner, a woman who, before dying last week, worked diligently over her 87 years to earn a one word nom de guerre that rhymes with rich; some even called her, "The Queen of Mean," though I don't know why.

Leona Helmsley was married to a New York hosteler who collected hotels like other people collect rare stamps. When he died she decided to withhold some of her income taxes for no particular reason, and was overheard by a housekeeper as saying, "We don't pay taxes, only little people pay taxes." Well, the privilege of not paying those trivial taxes earned Leona a stretch of 19 months in the big house, and her offhand observation earned her a place in history alongside Marie Antoinette..

So, now that the Maltese Fido is 8 years old, and in possession of 12 million dollars, what does the future hold? Considering that two of Leona's grandchildren were left out in the cold, "for reasons which are known to them," I would suspect that with as many lawyers as there are in New York City looking for a four-legged defendant who cannot take the stand, Trouble will soon enough be in deep trouble...But for now, it's up in the air as to which Maltese will be the richest of all time, the Maltese Falcon of 1930, or the Maltese Fido of 2007. Place your bets at the race book window today...

Joel Stein in TIME magazine: A Word from the Millionaire Maltese