Steamy Malta

Lynne Hyland writes of a 'chocolate massage and ensuite treats in steamy Malta' in The Sunday Mirror:

It was past 2am and a full moon hung in the sky as the tower's glass doors swung silently open. After months of overwork and overdoing it generally, the day had finally arrived... I was being taken into therapy. After being led down the long corridors and ushered into a white robe and slippers, a softlyspoken woman in a starched white uniform arrived to explain what would happen over the next few days. My body would be detoxified. My mind would be purged of poisonous thoughts and re-tuned to relaxation. And I would emerge a new woman, ready to face the world once more.

No, I hadn't checked in to the Priory, I'd taken a night flight to Malta and entered a whole other world of rehab - the spa therapy bedroom at the Fortina Hotel. It's a unique concept in the world of spas. Instead of having to share whirlpools and saunas with all and sundry, the facilities are right there in your room. Opening the bathroom door, I discovered a glass-fronted chamber billowing out aromatic steam, a sunken bath studded with jets programmed to blast away any known muscular tension and, most intriguingly of all, a gleaming white pod. Prising the lid open, I half-expected to find a green alien baby growing in there. But no. This is the detox capsule, an infra-red machine that sucks out your toxins by making you sweat like John Prescott at a secretaries' convention.

Before I could inspect it further, I was distracted by a cheer from my husband who'd come along for the jaunt. Investigating some curious wooden steps at the side of the bed, he'd discovered a whacking great hot-tub hidden away behind the headboard. Oh and a chilled bottle of champagne to enjoy amid the jacuzzi bubbles. Now that's what I call therapy. As you might have gathered from the champers on ice, the Fortina Spa is anything but a celebrity drying-out clinic. However, you might well spot some stars drying off after a dip in the pool. This five-star adults-only resort is a firm favourite among soap stars, particularly ex-EastEnder Wendy Richard..

..It's also worth visiting Malta's neighbouring islands. For our last day, we boarded a beautiful wooden sailing boat for a day cruise past Gozo and on to Comino, a tiny rocky island with a year-round population of three. This is where Madonna filmed the ghastly Swept Away, and it's also where the producers of Malta's Big Brother stranded last year's contestants (now there's an idea).

Back at the Fortina, there was just time to fit in a bit of last-minute pampering at the resort's luxurious spa complex before heading home. Leaving the husband happily watching Sky Sports from our jacuzzi, I submitted to a masseuse who smothered on a warm, dark cocoa potion until I'd been turned into a human chocolate. By the end of that hour, I'd decided that having chocolate on my skin was as good as having it in my mouth. Now I'm no therapy expert, but that sounds like a miraculous bit of rehabilitation to me.